There is no lesson here
The messiness of moving
The last time I moved was in 2014, other than my “move”/adventure up to Portland at the beginning of 2021, which wasn’t a full move — I carried with me no furniture, no linen/bedding/towels, nothing besides some clothes, shoes, and a few key accessories — and my “move” into my parents house at the start of the pandemic, again carrying with me nothing other than clothes, shoes, and a few key accessories. Jonathan and I moved to a new house across the city (basically a new city) two weeks ago. During the week leading up to the move, I felt more anxious that I had felt in probably a year. Every little thing sparked panic, and to be honest, I struggle to remember examples because my brain was most likely in some sort of fugue state where I entirely disassociated from my rational self. I felt most anxious about forgetting something. Even though there would be absolutely no consequence if I actually did forget something since I still would have access to where I used to live and could drive across the city at any time to pick it up (which I’ve since done twice).
Once we landed in our new house, I instantly felt more grounded, except that was quickly uprooted by the number of other things we had to take care of related to the new house (and are still working through that list). Our clothes are still in wardrobe boxes because the closets aren’t built yet, our windows are still covered with temporary paper blinds because the permanent shades have not yet been installed, and I’m still trying to learn how to pull into our drive way in a manner that allows me to open my driver’s side door rather than climb across the car and exit through the passenger’s side door. Basically, things are still messy. But, the living room and kitchen are organized, I color coded my books (which was extremely gratifying), I felt immense pride after using a drill to hang shelves on my own and successfully installing an electronic code lock on our front door (I’m a little handy!), and each day I grow to love our new neighborhood more and more. So I guess it is coming together. Forcing me to be patient, allowing myself to feel anxious and stressed, while trusting that the feelings will pass. In periods of intense anxiety, I normally try to find all of the reframes and lessons I can derive from the experience. Trying to use the period to grow and become a better human. This time though, I just allowed it, I acknowledged that it sucked and that I felt constantly on the verge of a panic attack, and also reminded myself of the feelings of gratitude and excitement I felt in the very same moments. Now, I focus on creating daily moments of joy and remind myself of how much I have to be grateful for.
On the note of joy, here are some things I’ve been loving lately:
Laura Shin interviewing Do Kwon of Terra (the crypto crash that happened in May) on Unchained (even if you aren’t into crypto, this episode is unbelievable in the best way)
I normally include three invitations to reflect, but this time, I’m only including one:
I invite you to reflect on a time when life felt messy and out of your control, and you just allowed it without trying to derive a lesson from it.
Thanks for reading Becoming Undefined! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.